How a schedule will keep you from getting off

I have a schedule. I know, it’s funny to see Mistress Ryan saying something like that. For eleven years, I have used generalities; I’m available when it’s dark-ish out. That’s about as close as I get to a schedule; preferring a bit of freedom to live how and when I decide. However, as some changes have come into my life recently, I am now in a position where I must keep an actual, identifiable schedule. This is going to be unfamiliar territory for both of us. But, if we’re good about it, there’s a small chance I might see fit to allow you to orgasm.

Why a schedule?

My life is changing. I’m finding things I enjoy doing that do not necessarily mesh well with working the hours I’ve kept for most of my life, let alone just the past decade. Despite my best efforts, I haven’t found a way of adding more hours to a day. I’m stuck with the same twenty-four as the rest of the world. I’ve managed this far without a schedule, but things are starting to slip. For example, I’ve been meaning to write this post since the fifth. It’s now the fourteenth. And the only reason I’m writing it now is because I’ve logged out for the night and I’m getting ready to sleep. Yes. Mistress Ryan, long believed half vampire, sleeps.

How hard can working without a schedule really be?

The answer? Almost im-fucking-possible. Here’s what I must do in each day and the hours it eats up.

Sleep 5 19
Housework 2 17
Cooking (x3) 1.5 15.5
Time with family 5 10.5
Writing 3 7.5
Marketing 2 5.5
Appointments 2 3.5

Yep, you’re reading that right. Now, admittedly I don’t have appointments every day, but I also sometimes manage to convince my body to sleep for more than five hours. The point is to have a healthy balance of work and life. It’s a bit like juggling swords while your pants are on fire; one of those things is going to get your attention while the other one kills you. So, I’m hoping that by setting a schedule, I can get everything done without getting stabbed (because if you knew what I spend on lingerie, you’d be rushing to save them first too).

So what is your schedule going to be?

I know, I’ve gotten you all the way here and my answer is. “I’m not sure yet”. I’m a horrid tease, aren’t I? Telling you now that my schedule is going to be in flux over the coming month is the only answer I have for you. I’ve started a new job, working part-time, and that’s going to eat up about five hours a day as well. So I’ll still be taking calls but I’ll be around more during the bright parts of the day. (I know, I shuddered just typing that) So if you’re used to seeing me at night, consider scheduling a call with me during the day.



What is a relationship in 2018

What does a relationship look like in 2018

Define “relationship”. Now go to your grandparents and ask them what a relationship looks like. And, if you have them, ask your kids. I promise you, each generation will have a different answer for what defines a relationship. It might be that yours and your grandparents definition is pretty similar but your children? Or, at the least, the next generation behind your own, will have a radically different vision. Why? What is it about now that has changed the basic building blocks of our society?

Baby Boomers

Generally defined as “The Greatest Generation“, these are members of society that kicked Hitler’s ass, nuked two cities, and proceeded to fuck like they were running out of kids to fill rooms. Unsurprisingly, most of these individuals will tell you that a relationship is defined as being between two people who are close, whether emotionally or physically. Relationships are built on face-to-face contact. Small town America style of society. For them, you built relationships with the people in your neighborhood but very rarely from further than fifty miles from your front door. You know Sue from across town from the Sunday pot luck at the church but Edna from two cities over? No idea.

Generation X

Generally considered to the the “Me Generation”; arguably the greatest generation in history (I’m biased. I was born in 1974). We brought down the Berlin Wall. We invented the home computer. We gave you MTV and glam metal. We gave you shoulder pads and questionable fashion choices to mock. While our values were shifted from our parents’ generation, our definition of relationship isn’t that different. We were the generation that started chatting online (Yeah you can thank us for that too) so our idea of a relationship was the first to include people that we met through the internet. But even that, we still initiated in-person contact after a while. So while we knew Edna from two cities over, we would make the drive to meet her in a parking lot at some point in our friendship.


Generation Y is the most radical departure from tradition. With the rise of social media, a global approach to relationships include people that you have never met and have ZERO intention of meeting. A relationship can be with Edna from two cities over or with Edit from half a world away. Both offer the same value, with the added bonus of being bombarded with Words With Friends invites (hint: If you invite me to help you play Words With Friends, I will make certain you regret it) and being awake at odd hours. Millenials are the generation that sleep less, drink shittier coffee, and are propelling our society towards its next phase. They are inclusive, broad-minded, and forcing change in places Generation X couldn’t get done. (We were busy. There was a sale on jelly shoes and Hypercolour shirts)

So which relationship definition is the correct one?

In short; all of them. Each definition is correct for each individual. I know plenty of Baby Boomers that are as active on social media as your average twenty-year-old. I know some Millenials who wouldn’t know how to turn on a computer with detailed instructions (my son).  The beauty of a relationship is in it’s simplicity to how each person behaves. There are those who know the names of every butcher, baker, and candlestick maker in town and they are just as happy as the twenty-something with one million followers on @Twitter. One generations definition doesn’t quantify anothers.


Cross generational relationship

Every day, I encounter people who break through the generational definition. The nature of my work as a mature cocktease introduces me to people across generations, borders, and beliefs. Each relationship brings something to my life that wasn’t there before. (cue the cheesy inspirational swell of orchestral music) Each relationship is one that I have enjoyed for the last eleven years and, am looking forward to enjoying for the next however long.



enchantrix perks

Why I love Enchantrix Perks

Enchantrix Perks is a loyalty program designed to make your erotic phone experiences even better than before. You already love speaking with your favourite entertainer and now you can earn free rewards for doing what you’ve always done! Some of the perks include credit towards our audio store, free phone sessions, and for the VIPs among us, access to a members only chat hosted by Miss Ally and including the Mistresses. So how do you get in on this amazing program?

Register for your Enchantrix perks account

Simply by visiting the Enchantrix perks website and entering a username, email address, and setting a password, you can be setup to start earning points right away. That’s it! Easy, painless, and quick (and how many times in your life can you say Ryan did something painless and easy?) Once you’re registered, all you have to do is tell the dispatcher you’re a perks member and they’ll take care of the rest.

How does this loyalty program work

As mentioned above, with every call you place to Enchantrix Empire (LDW Group), mention to the dispatcher that you are a perks member. From there, it’s a 1:1 ratio of dollars spent to points earned. So if you call your favourite mature cocktease for thirty minutes of tease and denial, you’ve earned yourself an epic case of blue balls AND thirty points towards an Enchantrix perk.

How do I get my free stuff?

Even that’s a piece of cake. Once you have your points accumulated, drop an email to and your account will automatically be updated with your perks. Then, with your next call to Enchantrix Empire, simply mention you’d like to redeem your Enchantrix perks and the dispatcher can handle it from there. If it were any easier, we’d be offering you fifteen percent savings on your car insurance.

I’m still not convinced

Oh cupcake, you don’t know what you’re missing out on if you still don’t think this is for you. So, just between you and I? If you go sign up during February 2018, I’ll toss one hundred points (100!) your way, just for signing up. See? Easy AND nice.

I have to go scrub myself now … I did something nice.

Miss Ryan
A Proper Tease


oral sex

5 amazing tips that will improve your oral sex skills

Oral sex can be a very touchy subject. There’s been more instances than not in my life where someone claims to be phenomenal, only to find out they eat pussy like a Saint Bernard slobbering a bowl of grits. Manners tell me that I should wait for them to finish; my need to actually get off tells me to make them stop. On the other hand, I’ve had my own oral sex skills complimented, time and again. So what am I doing differently? How can I help you to be better? If you trust me just a little. If you aren’t afraid of the dark. I’ve got five tips for you.

Ignore the fads

Sadly, most of what is out on the internet is what I’d consider to be a “fad”. People offering fruit-flavored oral sex, using lozenges or sprays to numb their throats, or diets to improve the taste. Most fads are ridiculous (avoiding red meat for two nights is not going to make your cum taste better. Try two months, bucko); others are downright dangerous. Lozenges and sprays that numb your throat prevent you from feeling their cock in your mouth, which could lead to your being hurt inadvertently. And I cannot even begin to list the number of things wrong with sluicing their junk with half a grapefruit. It’s begging for a canker sore.

Oral sex isn’t just oral

Sucking is the main part of oral sex but it’s not the only part. Outside of fetishes like skull fucking or objectification, you’re going to have use of your hands, lips, tongue, hair, and a variety of other things. Tease your lover. Suck the head of their cock while you stroke the shaft with your hand. Lick from the base of his cock up to the head. Stick your tongue out and lick around the crown. If you have long hair, stroke it up and down the shaft a few times. Be creative and don’t be afraid to try something new.

Toys for Boys

In my recent blog post, we talked a little about toys you can use for anal stimulation. There are toys for manual masturbation and to enhance oral sex. You can certainly incorporate some of what we talked about when playing with your butt, such as vibrators, anal plugs, or prostate massager. And the sound a man makes when his balls are bound up and you lick underneath? Best sound in the world. Investigate the use of some toys, but remember tip number one. Avoid the fads.

Be brave. Ask!

It’s not something we’ve been taught to do. But, like your grandmother probably told you, “You don’t learn anything unless you ask!” Talk about what you like; talk about what you don’t like. Sit down together before you do the deed and have a frank discussion about what turns you on and what turns you off. Ask what your partner likes or doesn’t like.

Watch more porn

No, I’m not kidding. I’m a lesbian and my cocksucking techniques have been complimented repeatedly. How did I learn? I watched premium gay porn. I watch enough of it that I know body parts. Cocksucking is something you can learn … improve your technique … find a new sensitivity or a new trick. Take advantage of what’s out there!

anal masturbation

You want to try butt stuff (anal masturbation)?

Anal masturbation. Quick poll time: How many of you laughed? How many of you are still laughing? I’d wager better than half of you chuckled a bit. Butt why? It’s not the masturbation part that most people object to. We’ve been told, for a few generations now, that masturbation is something everyone tries. That it’s totally normal and healthy to indulge. (Yes, I know, there are fringe societies that don’t subscribe to this idea. I doubt they are reading this blog.) So why is anal still frowned upon? After all, with a quick anatomy lesson, the orgasms are sometimes more powerful than genital masturbation. And it’s not reserved for only certain anatomies; it crosses gender boundaries to just feel good. Trust me for a bit, just a step into the shadows, and I’ll teach you something.

Butt stuff is dirty! (isn’t it?)

This is one of those tenets of society that’s up there with “Don’t eat laundry soap!” We’re taught from infancy that anything having to do with your poo is dirty*, so by default the delivery method must be dirty. This is reiterated throughout our lives; poo jokes and bathroom humour are staples of any comic and prepubescent kid. Butt, this isn’t necessarily true. With a little preparation, your backdoor can be as polished and clean as your front door! Investing some time researching enemas, genital cleansers, and interactions with latex. These tools, used properly, can keep you clean and fresh enough for play. Now that you are squeaky clean, what’s the next step? Lube.

I don’t need lube for this! (yes. yes you do)

There is no greater mistake than not using lube. I know, I watch porn too and they just give it a quick lick and they are off to the races! Actually no, they don’t. There’s a cut scene where copious amounts of lube is used to make that which needs to be wet, wet. And trust me when I tell you, it’s a truly copious amount. Because one of the first things people think of when they think about anal sex is that it “hurts”. Well, I’m not saying that using more lube will eradicate the discomfort entirely but it sure as hell makes it hurt less. The same is true when you are masturbating; you want your hole clean and wet. Pay as much attention to the latter once you’ve perfected the former. Check for latex interaction, use the right lube for what you’re doing (i.e. don’t get the flavoured lube unless you really love your toilet. Like … really LOVE your toilet), and don’t be afraid to use it. Yes, the good stuff costs. But which costs less? The lube or the visit to your local A&E to explain anal bleeding? Okay, so we’re clean, we’re wet … what else? Grooming.

I’m not getting dressed up for butt stuff! (in a way, yes you are)

This is going to seem like an unnecessary step in your journey to anal masturbation; it’s not. It’s a crucial part of the process to avoid that visit to A&E. I’m not saying you have to go have a full manicure with a paraffin wax treatment, but clip your nails. Make sure you don’t have any hangnails, torn fingernails, or very rough skin. Yes, you are going to be wearing a glove but that isn’t much of a barrier if you have a ragged nail scraping agai- Yes, you see where I’m going with this. Do a quick trim. It won’t hurt.

Now the pounding! (no.)

So, to recap, you cleaned and lubed your butt, gave your fingers a groom, and your cock really is leaking so much and you just want to pound that hole! Slow down, my future sodomite. For safety you will thank me for later, buy yourself a box of latex or nitrile gloves. (Yes, that’s why we researched interaction with lube). I know, it’s not sexy. No one said anal masturbation was easy but the rewards are worth it. So, gloves on! (like little finger condoms). Grab a towel, your lube, a glove, and head over to wherever you prefer to masturbate. Bed, chair, floor. Whatever works for you, but make sure you’re comfortable and have some time to devote.

Touching your butt (finally!)

I know, seems like it took forever but congratulations! Now we’re going to actually touch your butt! Anal masturbation is similar to vaginal masturbation in the “insertion” sense. You can use toys (eventually) or your fingers and quite a bit of the stimulation comes from friction. Make sure you lube your fingers really well and rub them against your anus. Don’t worry about inserting them for now; get the outside wet. When you think you’ve used enough lube, you haven’t. Use more. Slowly start to push the tip of your finger in and out. Ouch may not be a good safeword but it’s an excellent gauge of whether or not what you’re doing is wrong. If it really hurts, stop. Get more lube. Try again.

Anal masturbation anatomy

Now that you’ve managed to get a well lubricated finger into your also-well-lubricated butt, you want it to feel good, right? That was the point, way back there at the beginning. Here’s where you have to give me a little faith. Wiggle your finger around a little, let your muscles get used to the feeling of having something in there (yes, you are going to feel like you have to poo but since you cleaned up first, you don’t). Try fucking yourself. No, not that fast. Slow. If it hurts, stop and examine what hurts. More lube? Poke slower? Damn, she was right about that hangnail? (I’m not gloating). Take your time. Anal masturbation isn’t fast to start off with. (Yes, I know. The porn. Trust me.)

Once you’ve felt around some, experimented with depth, speed; maybe the bravest of you even tried adding a finger. Now the anatomy lesson. When you have one finger inside your butt, curl it a bit towards your spine. I’m going to ignore your prostate or clitoris in favour of introducing you to my friend, the pudendal nerve. She’s a bundle of nerves responsible for why playing with your taint feels good and the sensitivity to the head of your penis or clitoris. She’s shy so finding her can be a bit of a challenge but, when you do? You’ll know.

By Mikael Häggström, used with permission.

When you want to thank me, leave me a note or give me a call.



*we aren’t arguing that poo is dirty. Yes, it is and there’s absolutely no reason to engage in play with it. Ever.
a mature cocktease

The fifty-first shade of grey is a mature cocktease

I’m a mature cocktease. When someone asked me to describe what made a mature cocktease different, I admit I was at a bit of a loss. I mean, I know what makes me special but how to convey that in written word was … harder than I expected. I thought back to some of my callers in the past who came to me on a recommendation and they were used to younger entertainers. I’m not going to say this is true for everyone; if you really just get off on younger cockteases, go on with your bad self. I’m not for everyone. But I thought this little story might help explain things. It could be a reality for you.


Try a mature cocktease

He wasn’t sure this was going to work, but he was willing to have an open mind. He’d stumbled into a website that advertised itself as a cock concierge service for phone sex. The chat room style questionnaire was a little weird but the operator assured him that the more information he could provide, the better she could match him with an operator. After a few minutes of increasingly uncomfortable questions, the woman informed him that she had three names for him.

[Concierge: So I have the first two names for you. Jenna and Andi are both really awesome at cock teasing and they are both in their twenties. Now the third name I have is a bit older but is a really outstanding mature cocktease. Her name is Ryan. From the way you were talking when I asked you about the style you like, you described something closer to what Ryan would fit in to. But all three are excellent! You should try a call with two or all three of them some day!]

He’d gone to their website and clicked each picture of the women who’d been recommended to him. Jenna and Andi were both sexy and their voices made his cock twitch. He glanced briefly at Ryan, taking in the long legs and … something made him pause. He couldn’t put his finger on it but there was something about the way she described herself that appealed to him. Five minutes later, he was on the phone with a dispatcher and she was sending him through to Ryan.

A voice like no other

“Hello, this is Ryan,” came a rich voice that promised decadent debauchery. It rolled across the phone connection and his cock was suddenly paying much closer attention. He hadn’t expected her voice to be so … sultry.

A few minutes spent getting to know each other, laughing at her quick wit (hard cock notwithstanding), and settling into a comfortable position on the bed.

“Relax. Just close your eyes and imagine the feeling of my fingers, barely grazing your neck …,” her voice wrapped around his brain and he settled back with his eyes closed. He could just see her at the side of the bed. He could picture all six-foot-one of her frame hovering over him as she mapped her way across his chest. Her fingernails provided the lightest of scratches and, each time they grazed his nipple, he’d feel a spark go straight down to his cock.

She’d hadn’t even laid a hand on his cock and he was already twitching. The urge to reach down and touch his cock was almost overwhelming but she’d instructed him to just listen; to forgo stroking his cock. He wasn’t sure about that but he’d agreed willingly enough … after all, it’s not like she’d know if he were stroking. But for now, he put it off. He wanted to see where she’d go. Her hands palming against his rib cage, tickling lightly as she climbed onto the bed and straddled him. He opened his eyes and he could see her there as she’d described herself; long hair swept up into a loose bun, long torso laced into an emerald green corset and a pair of matching silky panties peeking out from under the corset. Those same silky panties that were now so close to his cock he could imagine he could feel the heat of her arousal.

A full body orgasm

When she leaned forward, brushing her lips against his ear as she whispered, “I’m so proud of you. You haven’t once touched that cock, despite knowing how badly you want to. You should be rewarded for that, yes?” He was agreeing before she’d even finished speaking. Anything that she asked, so long as he could stay in this one moment, where every inch of his body was strung tightly, and she was making his moans into an opera devoted to this mature cocktease. He had no idea how long they had been on the phone and, quite frankly, he couldn’t care less. The magic she was weaving had him thrusting against absolute nothing and imagining it was those silky panties. His entire world came down to a pinhole moment when he heard her whispering in his ear again … when the aroma of her arousal, her perfume, her desire filled his head … when her voice, like the richest of wines, penetrated the fog of arousal she’d woven.

“Cum for me, precious,” her voice had purred and, as every muscle in his body contracted, he felt her coaxing his orgasm through every nerve ending he had in his body. He gasped as he fell back against the mattress, sweaty and sticky. He could hear her purring deliciously and he opened his eyes. The ceiling of his bedroom was not as sexy as she had been.

A mature cocktease. He’d never considered it but that mature voice had teased him right into being a believer.


I bring a maturity that can only come from experience. I know how to tease you, bring you just to the brink, and hold you there on that edge until you’re desperate. A mature cocktease can do that because we’ve spent years figuring out how to make your cock respond. A teasing that comes with the richness of a woman whose life has been filled with experience, sexual discovery, and a freedom from caring who knows.